Life OST: Lifting one's spirits

Hello, sweethearts!

I have no idea, when was the last time I did a "Life OST" episode. Still, there is so much music I want to share with you all!

This time I'm introducing songs that are uplifting. Before you ask "but what's the difference between this list and Numbing Emotional Pain one": the songs I listed in that episode didn't have to lift one's spirit. These are, either because of lyrics or the overall vibe. It's just hard not to smile while listening to them.

So, turn up the volume and let's go!

BlutEngel "Lebe deinen Traum"

I'll start with one of my favourites. "Lebe deinen Traum" is a very powerful song about how you can take your life in your own hands and live the way you really want. The narration about following your dreams and not looking back really speaks to me, matching my life philosophy quite well.

 

Apart from the meaning, "Lebe deine Traum" is also a very catchy tune with awesome vocals by both Ulrike and Chris. And have I mentioned how much I love German? This language is so goddamn sexy!

Cezar "It's My Life"

No one expected Romanian gay opera vampire here!

 

While indeed the lyrics may sound cheesy to some, there is something very uplifting in a song about loving someone so much you want to give this person your life, about how their love completes you. "Love is so bright, like a diamond in the light" sings Cezar and damn, he's right. Love truly is a beautiful thing.

I also love (lol) this song for how it sounds. Opera singing and dubstep go together really well and it's a shame so few artists exploit it.

The Crüxshadows "My Telescope"

There's something very soothing about the way "My Telescope" sounds. The pleasant music and Rogue's heavenly vocal never fail to make me feel better regardless of the situation. The lyrics have quite a nostalgic vibe – Rogue sings about fondly remembering someone, who once was very dear. There's just so much love in this piece it's hard not to smile.

 

I'll be honest: "My Telescope" is my absolute favourite from this album and almost favourite by this band (the most favourite is "Angelus Everlasting"... Which I could also put on this list, but it has already been in this series and I don't want to repeat songs).

 

Blind Channel "Another Sun"

An extremely powerful song (and I'm not talking only about the musical side) about overcoming hardships and hope. Especially hope. The chorus is my favourite part, I love the emotions in it, especially in the vocals.

Of course, I know that the "there's always the light in the dark" message may be cheesy and overused, but in this case it's the delivery what sells it. Blind Channel boys make music from the bottom of their hearts and let's be honest, I'm ready to believe while listening to this song that yes, it'll be better, yes, I'm strong. And that's what I love in this particular song – it really makes me believe.

BlutEngel "Fire in the Distance"

Two BlutEngel songs in one episode? Yeah, sure, why not?

 

At the first glance, the lyrics seem to be rather sad. "Where are your friends when you need them? Where are your lovers when you feel alone?" sings Chris and damn, you can feel the loneliness and helplessness. And then the chorus kicks in and it changes whole mood, bringing a lot of hope. Because this is what this song is about: hope. It promises that there's always place when you're welcome and loved, that there is this warm fire burning in the distance that just waits for you. And, similarly to the previous one, no matter what shit happens to you, you are strong enough to just move on and not look behind.

Isn't it a really uplifting message?

IAMX "Mile Deep Hollow"

Chris Corner. The epitome of grace and beauty with the saddest eyes in the music scene (like, really, every time I see him I just have this urge to hug him, stroke his hair and comfort him). And a wonderful musician with stunning vocal abilities, as demonstrated in this very song (the high notes, holy shit, the high notes!).

While previous two songs on this list were about hope and dealing with struggles, this one is about the aftermath. Chris sings about being finally at peace after various shit that happened and receiving help from people who love him. The latter is especially important. It makes us remember that we are never alone and others will help us up when we fall. Very comforting song.

Also, I love this MV. It's so aesthetic and atmospheric...

 

The Crüxshadows "Quicksilver"

Actually, The Crüxshadows have so many uplifting songs, the biggest problem is choosing. "Quicksilver" is my another favourite. The music is very energetic, it's hard to sit still while listening to it, you just want to move. I especially like how violins are incorporated among electronics – all songs by this band make amazing use of violins, but this one is exceptional.

 

Another thing I absolutely love is the vocal. As you have probably noticed, I adore Rogue's voice, he sounds like an angel. Here he sings about fighting back against all hardships and facing what is to come with hope. "The future belongs to the brave" indeed and it's hard not to be brave when you are motivated with such powerful music.

 

Fractal Dreamers "Fortuna Redux"

Can an instrumental piece be uplifting? Well, yes, especially this one. It isn't easy to describe, but listening to "Fortuna Redux" always fills me with a lot of warm feelings and happiness. The song is energetic, pleasant and, for some reason, very motivating. It may be the quick rhythm and catchy melody line. Such a lovely piece to listen when you need a cheer up!

My Friend Is a DJ feat. Eleanor Forte "Down The Dark Road"

An episode without vocaloid music? No way! (Okay, this is SynthV, not Vocaloid, but shhh).

While lyrics indeed are very uplifting, focusing on progressing our path of life without getting discouraged, it's the instrumentals that made me choose this piece. For some reason, the electronic melody line (especially the bridge between first two parts of vocals, that's my favourite) always makes me feel better and happier. There is something very light and warm in it, like a hug from a loved one. My Friend Is a DJ did a wonderful job here.

Miki Núñez "La Venda"

I think this song doesn't need any further comments besides the fact that I usually don't listen to stuff like that and yet I absolutely love this. Also, when Spain performed on Eurovision 2019, whole green room erupted into a big, happy conga line. Whole. Green room. How awesome is this?

 

−真天地開闢集団−ジグザグ "Promise"

Last but not least, a song that I've been listening a lot to for last several months. There's something very soothing and ethereal in it, especially the melody. ジグザグ really did their best here, making a piece that is both powerful and extremely comforting. And the vocals? Mikoto always sound wonderful, he has such warm voice, but here he had truly outdid himself. Gorgeous song, simply gorgeous.
 

And this concludes the list! I hope the songs here made you smile at least a little bit. And what songs do you listen to cheer yourself up?

See you next time (which will probably be after the Five Flavours Festival, I think I'll review at least a couple of films from there), sweethearts! Take care!

Life OST: Covering up!

Hello, sweethearts!

 

First thing: I'm sorry for the long silence, but (if you follow me on Twitter, then you probably know it) I got a little bit overwhelmed by my studies. However, if everything goes according to my plans (which hardly ever happens, but hey, some positivity doesn't hurt, does it?), in the following months there will be a little bit more posts here, so stay tuned!

And going ad rem...

I think we all know what a cover is. Musical artists are recording covers all the time and, to be honest, any song has a chance of getting covered (with the probability rising with its popularity). Said covers can be good, bad, better than original, fucking blasphemous or just different. Sometimes we don't even know we were listening to a cover unless someone informs us. And sometimes it's just hard not to admit that we prefer the cover version.

This "Life OST" covers (hehe) the last instance – it's about covers that I like more originals. As you will see, the reasons vary. Of course, that doesn't mean I hate the original versions... At least, not all of them.

So, buckle up, 'cause it's going to be (I hope) a really interesting ride!

Solar Fake "Creep" (original by Radiohead)

Let's start with something really popular. According to WhoSampled, at the moment of writing this "Creep" has been covered 79 times... And yet, while listening to "Broken Grid" for the first time, I had no idea it wasn't Solar Fake's original. This happens when you don't listen to popular bands.

 

Maybe it's the result of me hearing the cover first or maybe it's my absolute love for Solar Fake, but I vibe more with this version. I feel the electronic instrumental makes it more dynamic, while maintaining original's somber tone. Also, Sven's deep vocal sounds marvellously here, fitting well into the atmosphere.

Genitorturers "Touch Myself" (original by Divinyls)

Another rather popular song, maybe not so often covered as "Creep" but still pretty known. For some reason this cover tends to be attributed to Jack Off Jill... Which is quite weird given the fact it doesn't even match their music.

To be honest, original sounds a little bland to me. But the cover? It's awesome. I adore the musical variety in it, the clash between softer verses and cacophonic chorus, not to mention how addictive it is. I just love this song.

Synapsyche "Attack" (original by 30 Seconds to Mars)

If you follow me on Twitter, then you probably know that I'm a big fan of Synapsyche. "Attack" is actually one of my favourite songs by them. While the original is quite pleasant on itself, this version is simply gorgeous. First thing, the electronic arrangement brings a lot of freshness to it. The addiction of harsh vocals also makes it sound more diverse and interesting (and let's be honest, I'm an absolute slut for harsh vocals). However, the best thing about this cover is Marco's clean vocals. There is so much raw emotions the original simply lacks. Marco sounds utterly heartbroken, like he's about to burst into tears. Personally, I feel this cover is much better than the original and it's a shame most people haven't heard it.

The Crüxshadows "Here Comes The Rain Again" (original by Eurythmics)

While I admire Eurythmics and how they influenced electronic scene, for some reason their music has never appealed to me. This includes one of their biggest hits, "Here Comes The Rain Again". However, I absolutely love The Crüxshadows' take on it. I feel its instrumental is much richer and pleasant. Also, Rogue sounds here like an angel (but should anyone by surprised? I don't think so, it's Rogue I'm talking about). Every time I listen to this song, I just get lost in his soft, warm vocal.

 

Maybe I love this version only because I absolutely adore this band, I don't know. One thing is certain – it's gorgeous. Absolutely gorgeous.

Helalyn Flowers "Dream On" (original by Depeche Mode)

Another example of "okay original, glorious cover". Helalyn Flower's version is more diverse and dynamic. Also, the vocals are amazingly mixed, especially the chorus – its mesmerising and truly addictive. Just like most of their music.

Fun fact: it was first song performed by this band I've ever listened to. I just fell in love with them the moment I heard this.

96猫 "-ERROR" (original by niki feat. Lily)

To be honest, I didn't plan to put any utaite covers on this list. The reason is simple: they mostly use original, sometimes only slightly altered instrumentals and it's hard to compare cover and original judging only the vocal (not to mention the fact, choosing between vocal synthesizer and human vocalist is kind of unfair). But then I heard this cover and all plans went to hell.

96猫 is one of my favourite vocalists in general. I love the variety of vocals she can do, especially the low, husky one. This cover is a perfect presentation of her amazing abilities. Also it's much more emotional than the original, which is kinda bland to me (however, it's not vocaloid's fault – as you know, it is possible to make emotional vocals with vocal synthesizer, kyaami's version of "-ERROR" is a good example). 96猫 sounds heart-wrenching here. Another great thing is the vocal editing – it's complemented with some electronic filters and glitchy effects, which blends well with the music and lyrics, giving this version some kind of deepness and unique touch.

战场原妖精 feat. 洛天依 "I MiSS U" (original by Joyce Chu)

While it doesn't sound bad, the original is totally not in my taste. I'm just not a big fan of perky guitar pop songs. However, I fell in love with this version from its first notes. 战场原妖精 is an absolute master, when it comes to both djent and vocaloids. And I'm really fond of djent and vocaloids. The guitar part is amazing, heavy and dynamic, like in most of his songs. I also like the vocals: 洛天依 sounds great and her voice fits the melody really well.

 

I'll be honest, this cover is nice to listen to when you need to lighten the mood.

Creep-P "She's Homeless" (original by Crystal Waters)

Okay, you probably know how much I adore everything Creep-P does. While I'm a little bit sad that he left vocaloid, I'm also absolutely delighted that he took up singing – he's very skilled and his voice is so pretty. You can easily hear it in this piece, where he not only sings, but also raps! And the rap part is probably my favourite, I love such additions to songs.

 

The Crystal Waters' original may be a cult classic now, but I don't like it – it's too flat and boring for me. Creep-P added a lot of musical depth to it and made it more energetic. Actually, it's hard to sit down while listening to it, your body starts moving on it's own.

Gregorian "Frozen" (original by Madonna)

Probably the exception on this list, but the original is one of my favourite songs in general. However, this band has made it even better. Why? Because everything gets better, when you add Gregorian chant. Everything. Always.

 

Okay, it isn't pure Gregorian chant, because it has to be in Latin (sometimes Greek) and a capella... But fuck it, it's still badass. Period.

2WEI "Toxic" (original by Britney Spears)

I found this song completely by an accident – it was a soundtrack for a trailer of fifth season of "Luther". I managed to find the title by searching with lyrics... Only to learn, it's one of many covers of Spears' original. After several hours of searching for this version's artist I found it... By goggling "luther season 5 trailer song" (or something like this). Why didn't I do it this way in the first place? I have no idea.

 

I love the tone of this cover. It's completely different from the original, more heavy and serious. It gives this song a totally new meaning. It's great.

This concludes the list. Of course, there are more covers I like more than originals, but let's be honest, if I had to always put all songs that belong to the topic of each "Life OST" episode, they would be awfully long.

And which covers do you like? Why? Recommend some in the comments, I'd love to check them out!

 

See you next time, sweethearts! Take care!

Life OST: Spooks' time!

Hello, sweethearts!

You probably know from the title, what I want to talk about: music for Halloween! I love this holiday and everything connected to it. So, why not gather songs perfect for listening during spooky time? In this episode of "Life OST" we'll have creepy melodies, scary lyrics, dark atmosphere and much, much more!

 

Little warning: some of these songs may contain disturbing themes and imagery, so proceed with care.

Let's go!

Type O Negative "Halloween in Heaven"

 

 

Let's start with a classic. I've been listening to Type O Negative since primary school and, while my music taste has changed, I still love them. This song is one of my favourites. Of course, it's a little bit sad to listen when you remember Peter Steele died three years after release of "Dead Again" (may he rest in peace), but, to be honest, it applies to Type O Negative's music as a whole.

"Halloween in Heaven" not only has Halloween in the title. It's lyrics talk about various dead musicians partying in Heaven during this holiday. Despite rather grim theme, it's cheerful and very catchy, great for a spooky party.

카네린 feat. 巡音ルカ "Reddish Waltz"

 

 

Horror is great. Dubstep is great. Vocal synthesizers are great. And what happens when we mix it? Epic shit happens! "Reddish Waltz" has become lately one of my absolute favourites when it comes to vocaloid music in general. I love how dark and heavy it is. Also, 카네린 did wonderful job, while rendering Luka's English vocal. She sounds clear, smooth and beautiful, just the way she should.

Steampianist feat. Gumi "The Experiment"

 

 

Another vocaloid song I just adore, this time based on a very popular creepypasta, "Russian Sleep Experiment". Steampianist is an expert when it comes to horror music and it shows. Chilly instrumental is accompanied by creepy noises, which match song's overall theme. Also, Gumi's voice sounds amazing, especially the way her vocal was mixed. Generally, if you like vocal synthesizers and creepypastas, you should definitely give "The Experiment" a listen.

 

The Crüxshadows "Insomnia"

 

 

The Crüxshadows' music is usually pretty positive and catchy. However, this song is an exception. To be honest, "Insomnia" is one of the creepiest songs I know. The instrumental is mostly made of athmospheric noises, like bells and knocking. Scariness is amplified by lyrics sung in rather monotonous voice – an unusual thing in this band's music. However, despite being so different "Insomnia" works in all ways it was intended. Another example of how amazing The Crüxshadows are.

GHOST feat. UmbraticForest and B.a.D. "Apotropaism/apple the pagan's son"

 

 

 

Okay, how can we celebrate Halloween without this gem? It's been four years and I still remember how excited I was when listening to it for the first time. GHOST is a horror music pro with a very distinctive style. Also, while they usually make vocaloid songs, this one is a collaboration with two skilled vocalists: UmbraticForest and B.a.D. And let me be honest: GHOST's instrumentals and Umber's vocal blend incredibly well (like, really. Just check out Umber's covers of other GHOST's song, they are amazing).

I'm quite fond of the concept "Apotropaism" (don't ask me, why the song is called "apple the pagan's son" now, I have no bloody idea). It tells a very interesting story about fanaticism and how it destroys people lives. The theme is emphasized by inclusion of Latin prayers in lyrics. And I love it.

Ester Peony "On a Sunday"

 

 

This piece absolutely slayed on ESC 2019 and it still does. The mix of Ester's mesmerising vocal and hypnotising instrumental makes wonderfully dark, sensual song about love and obsession. It's a shame it didn't qualify to the final.

 

Also, I love the music video. Okay, special effects look a little bit cheap, but damn, it's still awesome. I like the little glitches when Ester moves, they add a nice creepy vibe.

 

Creep-P feat. 初音ミク "Not as it Seems"

 

 

Another amazing creepypasta-themed vocaloid song. I adore Creep-P's electropop. It's glitchy, emotional and very intense, just perfect. I'm also in love with how vocaloids sound in their songs (unfortunately, they stopped using them a while ago... But their vocals are also very nice, so no problem). "Not as it Seems" is one of the best pieces with Miku's English voicebank. She's easy to understand and has really pleasant vocal there.

 

BlutEngel "The Lost Children"

 

 

One of my favourite tracks from "Tränenherz", "The Lost Children", combines all the best aspects of BlutEngel: catchy rhythm, vampirism-related themes and Chris Pohl's sexy vocal. I also love how both creepy and mesmerising this piece is – perfect for a Halloween party!

 

Arkadiusz Reikowski "You're Not In Control" from ">observer_"

 

 

Is putting here a horror game soundtrack cheating? Maybe a little bit, but damn, this track is actually really scary – I dare you to listen to it in the dark. It has everything: eerie vocals, unidentified noises, distortions... Bonus points if you played the game and remember the scene fragments of this song was in. (Okay, I was less scared and more pissed off during it, but it was gameplay's fault, music was actually doing really good job with keeping me creeped out).

-MASA Works DESIGN- feat. 初音ミク and Gumi "狐の嫁入り"

 

 

Let's finish with an absolute classic by our Lord and Saviour, MASA! I love all his songs so much, I really had a problem choosing one for this post – he's master of horror music and gory themes. I finally settled for old, but gold "狐の嫁入り". It's bloody, unsettling and hypnotising. MASA's characteristic way of tuning vocaloids is just perfect, especially the fast vocals – they add to the madness this piece is. And let's not forget about the PV, illustrated and edited by MASA too. This guy is a true one-man band. A fucking awesome one.

 

By the way, "狐の嫁入り" was my first MASA's song. I don't think I would love him as much today, if I haven't had found it.

Of course, there are much more creepy songs, but if I were to put them all there, this post would be incredibly long. Also, I have to leave something for the next year.

And what horror songs do you like to listen? Don't forget to drop some recommendations in the comments!

Take care, sweethearts! Happy Halloween!

Life OST: Songs to get quarantined to

Hello, sweethearts!

We all know 2020 is incredibly shitty year. Fires, riots, escalation of racism and queerphobia... And, on top of that, raging pandemic. Despite the last thing, Polish government (and not only they, I've heard United States' one wants to do the same) decided to open schools in September. It's obvious that in this case ensuring safety is impossible and we will probably end with another lockdown. So, why not make it a little bit more bearable with appropriate music?

To make things a little bit more interesting, I decided to not include songs made during pandemic about pandemic. Enjoy!


鬱P feat. 鏡音リン "コロナ"

Okay, I know this song has nothing to do with the pandemic except the name and that jokes about it have already been done hundreds times, but damn, I still find listening to it now quite funny. Also, it is actually very pleasant to listen. It's dynamic, heavy and Rin's voice is rendered really well. 鬱P in his finest.

Sub Zero Project "Patient Zero"

I think we have a 2020 anthem. And I should stop joking right now. I found this song by accident, while browsing electronic music on Spotify and fell in love immediately. I love the bass and hard, delicious drops. This piece has also very catchy melody, ideal for humming.

To be honest, I felt quite jealous watching the music video. I want to go to a concert...

Chamaeleon "Suppression"

Actually, it's a very personal choice for this list. During pandemic I have only on-line classes and professors give much more homework than usually. I always listen to music while working and lately I've been really into aggrotech. Surprisingly, it helps me focus. And this song is one of my favourites, I can listen to it all the time.

Kill The Sleeper "What If"

Another aggrotech masterpiece I discovered by accident on Spotify and listen to a lot while working (and not only then). The catchy melody and amazing harsh vocals are so beautiful I sometimes play it more than one time. Generally, it's one of my most favourite songs ever.

Keiichi Okabe "Possessed by a Disease" from "NieR: Automata"

If Coronavirus had a boss theme, it will be this one. No more jokes, I promise.
I think "NieR: Automata" has one of the best soundtracks in whole computer games' history (generally, it's one of the best games in whole history and don't try changing my mind, because it's impossible) and any time is good for listening it. "Possessed by a Disease" is one of my favourite pieces. It's epic and very energetic, perfect choice when you are stuck at home and need to make your chores a little bit interesting. And it has a very appropriate title. I'm sorry.

Terence Blanchard "End Credits [Chapter 4]" from "Perry Mason"

If someone follows me on Twitter (which I encourage – look for @kikihakanate), they know for last several weeks I was watching newest HBO crime series. I'll be honest, is there better time to catch up with various series and movies than quarantine? "Perry Mason" is great and I really recommend it. And while I didn't enjoy its OST that much (it mostly consists of jazz and I hate jazz), I fell in love with this particular piece immediately. It's eerie and beautiful.

Creep-P feat. Ruby "TV"

Speaking about watching TV, it's perfect time to bring up this gem. All works by Creep-P are amazing, but this one is my absolute favourite. It has catchy melody, nice instrumental and just sounds fantastic. Also, I love the lyrics. And the message (which is very, very, VERY actual now). And everything.

Sweet Revenge feat. 巡音ルカ "Dirty Duty"

With so much shit going on, it's hard not to feel like in a movie. So, why not ramp it up with a fitting song? "Dirty Duty" has a nice apocalyptic vibe, perfect to listen when you are sitting at home, wondering what next months will bring. And à propos apocalypse...

Lord of the Lost "Doomsday Disco"

...why not dance a little to another fittingly apocalyptic piece? Lord of the Lost made an amazing song about having fun during the end of the world we know, very rhythmic and catchy. I love it.

The Crüxshadows "Indivisible"

Because things got a little too dark, let's listen to something uplifting! A song about unity and overcoming hardships, brought to us by one of the best bands ever – The Crüxshadows. Catchy melody, pleasant electronic instrumental and Rogue's angelic vocal make a perfect song to lighten up mood during these hard times.


I think it's enough. Actually, if I listed everything I've been listening to during pandemic, this post would be horribly long. And, in your opinion, which songs match quarantine?

Stay safe, sweethearts! Take care!

Life OST: My Ex Index

Hello, sweethearts!

I'll be honest: my love life is a fucking disaster.
.
.
.
Okay, maybe I'm overreacting a little bit. But when I talk with my friends about love and see, that most of people in my surroundings have someone, I start wondering what's wrong with me. I've already been in two relationships, but both ended in less than two months. My first relationship was... Pretty complicated. Long story short, I dated a nice boy, who later turned out to be a toxic liar (I have to admit, he apologised... A year later. Via Messenger. Fuck, he could at least call me!). My second one was with a girl from my university and we are still friends – she's lovely, kind and talking with her is pure pleasure.

Why am I talking about that? Well, because of my varied experience with breakups I associate different songs with this topic (and my both exes). And this post will be about these particular songs. Enjoy!

Bring Me The Horizon "Go To Hell, For Heaven's Sake"

I started listening Bring Me The Horizon shortly after I got dumped by my boyfriend and I fell in love instantly. Their heavy music and Ollie's aggressive screaming corresponded with my mood pretty well – I was both pissed at my ex and heartbroken at the same time. I was also pissed at myself, because I didn't have enough courage to tell him what I thought. This song matches all my emotions, especially disappointment, that the person I loved turned out completely different than they seemed. And anger. Massive anger.

MY FIRST STORY "Last Call"

This song is quite similar to the previous one when it comes to emotions. However, there is one major difference: in this one there is also sorrow. Of course, Ollie also sings about broken heart, but Hiro is more straightforward about feelings. It's easy to hear that his rage is fuelled with sadness. His vocal is so emotional, it's easy to identify with the lyrics. Listening to "Last Call" has really cathartic effect for me.

BlutEngel "The War Between Us"

Aftermath of a break-up. A violent break-up. Actually, it sums up how I get on with my ex-boyfriend pretty well – I don't. I hate him. We don't talk, we don't meet, but I want to punch him in the face (and mind the fact I'm a rather pacifistic person). I just can't forgive him...

Creep-P fest. Hatsune Miku "Cotton Candy"

The fact this song is about perfect relationship unexpectedly going awful makes it very relatable. I remember how much I was crying while listening to it after the first break-up. Three years have passed and "Cotton Candy" still reminds me about this sadness. But I like Creep-P's works too much to stop listening to this song. The electronics are just amazing.

Sweet Revenge feat. Megurine Luka "Forbidden Happiness"

This song doesn't remind me about any of my exes, but it matches the topic and I like it very much. I adore the melody, the lyrics and the way Luka sings. Actually, it was one of my first vocaloid songs ever and I think I wouldn't have got so much into vocal synthesizers if I hadn't found Sweet Revenge's music.

Illumenium feat. MYrK "My Last Cocaine"

[This song's music video isn't public on YouTube, so I'll just leave a link to the Facebook post.]

For some weird reason (maybe it was something she said or the fact I was madly in love to the point of craziness, I don't know) shortly after we begun dating I started associating this song with my then girlfriend and it just stuck. I don't think it's bad. As I mentioned, we get on really well and listening to "My Last Cocaine" brings me memories of the happiness I felt while being in that relationship. Damn, even if it ended I'm still pretty happy. Have I already said how awesome my ex-girlfriend is?

Solar Fake "The Pain That Kills You Too"

I got hooked up on this song shortly after my second break-up. It was a very peaceful one, but I think it's understandable I was a little bit heartbroken. This song really helped me cope with it. Maybe it was the topic of not wanting to hurt the other person, maybe it was the soothing melody line and the emotions in Svens voice, I'm not sure. What really matters is how relieved I felt while listening... And the fact I'm not heartbroken any more. I'm glad I and my ex-girlfriend are friends and hope it won't change.

Thom Yorke "Unmade"

Actually, I could put whole "Suspiria's" soundtrack here... Before we started dating, I took my ex-girlfriend to the cinema to this movie. We both enjoyed it and I still think it was one of the best cinema shows in my whole life.


As you can see (hear?), the songs vary depending on who I associate particular ones with. I think the Aesop coming from my both relationships is pretty simple: it's the end that matters the most. Being amicable exes isn't difficult, you just need to talk it over and be respectful.

Damn, I didn't plan to end this post with such a preachy text, but I just couldn't help...

Life OST: Numbing emotional pain

Hello, sweethearts!

For me, one of the most difficult things in the world is talking about feelings. Doesn't matter what I say, words never relate perfectly to reality. "Emotional pain" from the title is a term I made to describe how I feel when my depression gets really bad. Rather than one emotion, it means a mix of them: despair, hopelessness, loneliness, anxiety, worthlessness, sometimes numbness and even void (I mean, this feeling that you are completely empty inside). Because my mental state gets much worse in silence, I usually have music blasting in the background (often quite loudly). Years ago I noticed that some songs (and even artists) help with emotional pain a little bit. I don't mean they only distract me from it – they literally make me feel better. Weird? Maybe. But damn, at least it works.

This "Life OST" consists of songs capable of soothing my emotional pain. While I can call all of them my favourites, not all my favourite songs actually help. Why? I have no idea.

Okay, less babbling, more music. Enjoy!

The Crüxshadows "Angelus Everlasting"

I have to admit The Crüxshadows is one of my favourite bands, if not the favourite. I started listening to them around 2010 and know all their albums by heart. Doesn't matter what song they make, I'm never disappointed. Also Rogue, leader of the band, is one of the nicest musicians in the world.

"Angelus Everlasting" is a perfect representation what I love on The CXS' music. It has pleasant melody aided by amazing electronics and decent violin parts, emotional and relatable lyrics and gorgeous vocal. To be honest, I absolutely adore Rogue's voice, it's so warm and soft... In general, the CXS' songs are very helpful when it comes to coping with depression, but for some reason this one is special. Maybe it's because of the topic or the fact Rogue sounds even more beautiful there, I'm not sure.

DADAROMA "ルシッド・ドリーム"

I have to admit, DADAROMA is one of my favourite bands, if not the favourite... Fuck, I'm repeating myself. Okay, never mind. What I wanted to say is, as with The CXS, I love everything DADAROMA produces: new songs, old songs, just everything. These guys are so wildly creative they never fail to amaze me. Also, again, I love the vocals – Yoshiatsu is so talented in both singing and growling.

The song itself is so melodic I can't help but sway to the music. Also, the vocal is very soothing. It's pretty easy for me to just get lost in it and forget about everything else...

Rammstein "Spieluhr"

Because there is nothing more comforting than song about a dead child... I know it may seem strange, but for some reason such a dark song really helps me. May it be the steady rhythm, Till's deep vocals or melodic guitars, I don't know. Also, I have really soft spot for music boxes, I love when they are incorporated in the melody.

Schnuffel "Ich will zu dir"

Okay, you can laugh now.
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Done? Great. Now, let me explain, what a song like this is doing here.

In primary school one of my friends would often look up interesting clips on YouTube, record them with her phone and then show them to me and our other friends. This is how I came across Schnuffel. I just got hooked on his music. I managed to make my parents buy me his CDs, a Schnuffel sweatshirt, a Schnuffel mug and a Schnuffel key charm. Time was passing and I stopped listening to this cute bunny in favour of more, well, mature music (of course, I didn't forget about Schnuffel entirely, I still thought about him with nostalgia)... Fast forward to more present times. It happened last year. One evening I got a severe anxiety attack (reason doesn't matter), probably one of the worst ones in my entire life. I had no idea, what to do. In a fit of desperation I popped Schnuffel's CD in a disc man and played this song as loud as I could bear. And again. And again. And again. And again. And you know? It worked. I couldn't believe it, but somehow it fucking worked. Since then Schnuffel made a glorious comeback to my music player and now acts as a help in overcoming mental problems. Crazy? As hell. But damn, is something seems dumb but works, then this something is definitely not dumb.

Blue Stahli "Lakes of Flame"

I started listening to Blue Stahli several months ago and this is one of the songs I like the most. I adore how melodic it is, especially the guitars. I also like the fact it's quite repetitive – it always calms me down.

オカメP feat. Megurine Luka "ココロ, ユラユラ"

I usually say that オカメP has golden fingers when it comes to producing vocaloid music. His songs are always invasive and full of emotions, listening to them tend to have cathartic effect. This one is no exception. Mix of electronics and metal drown the listener in sound and Luka's soft voice has very soothing effect. While I love all オカメP's songs, this one is very special. I can listen to it on repeat and it always helps me, no matter what.

Also, let's take a moment to appreciate Ruuya's amazing artwork. So much talent...

James Egbert feat. Nina Sung "Exit Wounds (Cappa Regime Remix)"

It's one of these songs I usually can't listen to just one time – I always play it at least several times, sometimes put it on repeat. This music has something mesmerising in it, especially in the melody. The song itself is rather repetitive, but, as i mentioned earlier, it calms me down. Not to mention the fact dubstep is perfect for drowning existential pain.

D I V I N I T Y "Drown"

When I heard this song for the first time, I thought it's quite unsettling. (And I loved it). You may wonder, how a song like this may help me cope with an anxiety and similar. Well, it's quite easy: it's very melodic and also deep. By "deep" I mean the sound is very low, a little bit raspy and it "fills" listener's skull. I like this effect, it always makes me feel better.

ATB "Humanity"

I found this song on a CD my sister bought with a magazine years ago. I have no idea, who the creator is and, to be honest, it doesn't bother me much. However, I love this song. It's so melodic and emotional, not to mention beautiful lyrics. I listen to it especially when I feel stressed, it calms my nerves.

Also, fun fact: this music video was recorded in Poland. You can even spot some writings in Polish.


I think it isn't very surprising how different these songs are... Or are they? Let's see what they have in common: they are melodic, repetitive and tend to "drown" listener's with sound. Mix of these traits calms me, when I feel stressed or have a panic attack, distracts me, when I feel useless, fills the emptiness in my mind. To put it simply: they just help me. Of course, the list of songs doesn't end with the ones above, it goes on and on and even grows. But it's okay. The more music like that, the better I feel.

Life OST: Long, dark evening

Hello, sweethearts!

This is the first post from "Life OST" series. I will write here about songs, which make my real life soundtrack. They will usually have something in common – similar topic, mood or they will match certain situation.

Today I will write about songs I like to listen during long, dark evenings. Polish Winter evenings are always cold and melancholic. That's why I associate them with calm, ethereal, sometimes sad music.

Okay, enough talking, let's start!

Theodor Bastard "Кукушка"

According to Spotify, Theodor Bastard was the band I listened to the most during 2018. Actually, I'm not surprised – I love their music. "Кукушка" is my favourite song by them. I like how they used different folk instruments there, how they made this mysterious atmosphere. Also, Yana's vocal is stunningly beautiful.

Regulus feat. Hatsune Miku "In the Dark"

Actually, I could put there most of Regulus' songs – he's master of heart wrenching music. However, "In the Dark" is my favourite. It also always makes me feel a little bit sad. Maybe it's Miku's emotional vocal, maybe ethereal guitar or maybe dark, full of despair lyrics, I'm not sure.

Daniel Bloom feat. Mela Koteluk "Katarakta"

To be honest, I rarely listen to Polish music. However, I absolutely adore this song. Mela's voice is so calm and the music itself sounds really enchanting. But don't ask me, what lyrics are about – they are so metaphorical, I have no idea. And no, they have nothing to do with the music video. But is it a problem?

Clan of Xymox "Obsession"

There is something heavenly beautiful in this song. Old dark wave songs tend to have quite specific vibe, this one is no exception. But there is something more – peace, melancholy and nostalgia, especially the last one. Add Ronny's warm vocal and you have perfect song for lonely evenings.
Actually, I had a chance to hear this song live – in 2015 Clan of Xymox played at Castle Party. Magical, unforgettable experience. And Ronny was making thunders with his guitar!

My Bloody Valentine "Sometimes"

I came across this song by accident – I was listening to web radio station with gothic music. From the very begging I was stunned, how extraordinary this song was. Echoing, dreamlike guitars and silent vocals make one of most ethereal songs I know.

Love Spiral Downwards "Will You Fade"

Another song I got to know thanks to web radio station. Another extremely dreamlike, melancholic music, this time with angelic female vocal. I especially like the second part, when guitars kick in. Actually, I fell in love with "Will You Fade" because of them.

38号式 feat. Namine Ritsu "REINCARNATION"

From all utauloids I know, Ritsu has probably most emotional voice, especially in good hands. 38号式 is really skilled in rendering UTAU vocals, which is why I love his songs so much – they are always full of heart and feelings, this one in particular. To be honest, Ritsu sounds like he is about to cry. Amazing, especially if you consider the fact, it's just a singing synthesizer.

Stigmata "СЕНТЯБРЬ"

 

I began with Russian music and will end with it.  I don't usually listen to this band. However, I just fell in love with this song from the first hearing. I adore its melancholic atmosphere. I have never heard such eerie riffs, they are amazing. Actually, I can listen to "СЕНТЯБРЬ" on repeat.

As you can see (hear?), I have quite eclectic taste. And you? Which songs do you listen during long, dark evenings?