For me, one of the most difficult things in the world is talking about feelings. Doesn't matter what I say, words never relate perfectly to reality. "Emotional pain" from the title is a term I made to describe how I feel when my depression gets really bad. Rather than one emotion, it means a mix of them: despair, hopelessness, loneliness, anxiety, worthlessness, sometimes numbness and even void (I mean, this feeling that you are completely empty inside). Because my mental state gets much worse in silence, I usually have music blasting in the background (often quite loudly). Years ago I noticed that some songs (and even artists) help with emotional pain a little bit. I don't mean they only distract me from it – they literally make me feel better. Weird? Maybe. But damn, at least it works.
This "Life OST" consists of songs capable of soothing my emotional pain. While I can call all of them my favourites, not all my favourite songs actually help. Why? I have no idea.
Okay, less babbling, more music. Enjoy!
The Crüxshadows "Angelus Everlasting"
I have to admit The Crüxshadows is one of my favourite bands, if not the favourite. I started listening to them around 2010 and know all their albums by heart. Doesn't matter what song they make, I'm never disappointed. Also Rogue, leader of the band, is one of the nicest musicians in the world.
"Angelus Everlasting" is a perfect representation what I love on The CXS' music. It has pleasant melody aided by amazing electronics and decent violin parts, emotional and relatable lyrics and gorgeous vocal. To be honest, I absolutely adore Rogue's voice, it's so warm and soft... In general, the CXS' songs are very helpful when it comes to coping with depression, but for some reason this one is special. Maybe it's because of the topic or the fact Rogue sounds even more beautiful there, I'm not sure.
DADAROMA "ルシッド・ドリーム"
I have to admit, DADAROMA is one of my favourite bands, if not the favourite... Fuck, I'm repeating myself. Okay, never mind. What I wanted to say is, as with The CXS, I love everything DADAROMA produces: new songs, old songs, just everything. These guys are so wildly creative they never fail to amaze me. Also, again, I love the vocals – Yoshiatsu is so talented in both singing and growling.
The song itself is so melodic I can't help but sway to the music. Also, the vocal is very soothing. It's pretty easy for me to just get lost in it and forget about everything else...
Rammstein "Spieluhr"
Because there is nothing more comforting than song about a dead child... I know it may seem strange, but for some reason such a dark song really helps me. May it be the steady rhythm, Till's deep vocals or melodic guitars, I don't know. Also, I have really soft spot for music boxes, I love when they are incorporated in the melody.
Schnuffel "Ich will zu dir"
Okay, you can laugh now.
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Done? Great. Now, let me explain, what a song like this is doing here.
In primary school one of my friends would often look up interesting clips on YouTube, record them with her phone and then show them to me and our other friends. This is how I came across Schnuffel. I just got hooked on his music. I managed to make my parents buy me his CDs, a Schnuffel sweatshirt, a Schnuffel mug and a Schnuffel key charm. Time was passing and I stopped listening to this cute bunny in favour of more, well, mature music (of course, I didn't forget about Schnuffel entirely, I still thought about him with nostalgia)... Fast forward to more present times. It happened last year. One evening I got a severe anxiety attack (reason doesn't matter), probably one of the worst ones in my entire life. I had no idea, what to do. In a fit of desperation I popped Schnuffel's CD in a disc man and played this song as loud as I could bear. And again. And again. And again. And again. And you know? It worked. I couldn't believe it, but somehow it fucking worked. Since then Schnuffel made a glorious comeback to my music player and now acts as a help in overcoming mental problems. Crazy? As hell. But damn, is something seems dumb but works, then this something is definitely not dumb.
Blue Stahli "Lakes of Flame"
I started listening to Blue Stahli several months ago and this is one of the songs I like the most. I adore how melodic it is, especially the guitars. I also like the fact it's quite repetitive – it always calms me down.
オカメP feat. Megurine Luka "ココロ, ユラユラ"
I usually say that オカメP has golden fingers when it comes to producing vocaloid music. His songs are always invasive and full of emotions, listening to them tend to have cathartic effect. This one is no exception. Mix of electronics and metal drown the listener in sound and Luka's soft voice has very soothing effect. While I love all オカメP's songs, this one is very special. I can listen to it on repeat and it always helps me, no matter what.
Also, let's take a moment to appreciate Ruuya's amazing artwork. So much talent...
James Egbert feat. Nina Sung "Exit Wounds (Cappa Regime Remix)"
It's one of these songs I usually can't listen to just one time – I always play it at least several times, sometimes put it on repeat. This music has something mesmerising in it, especially in the melody. The song itself is rather repetitive, but, as i mentioned earlier, it calms me down. Not to mention the fact dubstep is perfect for drowning existential pain.
D I V I N I T Y "Drown"
When I heard this song for the first time, I thought it's quite unsettling. (And I loved it). You may wonder, how a song like this may help me cope with an anxiety and similar. Well, it's quite easy: it's very melodic and also deep. By "deep" I mean the sound is very low, a little bit raspy and it "fills" listener's skull. I like this effect, it always makes me feel better.
ATB "Humanity"
I found this song on a CD my sister bought with a magazine years ago. I have no idea, who the creator is and, to be honest, it doesn't bother me much. However, I love this song. It's so melodic and emotional, not to mention beautiful lyrics. I listen to it especially when I feel stressed, it calms my nerves.
Also, fun fact: this music video was recorded in Poland. You can even spot some writings in Polish.
I think it isn't very surprising how different these songs are... Or are they? Let's see what they have in common: they are melodic, repetitive and tend to "drown" listener's with sound. Mix of these traits calms me, when I feel stressed or have a panic attack, distracts me, when I feel useless, fills the emptiness in my mind. To put it simply: they just help me. Of course, the list of songs doesn't end with the ones above, it goes on and on and even grows. But it's okay. The more music like that, the better I feel.
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