[is haunted in Spanish]

Before I grew up into a grotesque-loving goth lady, I used to be a sweet and easily frightened child. No, really. I didn't need much to get scared: lack of light, loud noise, creepy shadows, disfigured bodies... Especially disfigured bodies. They didn't have to be horribly mutilated corpses, I could get scared because someone in the photo was missing an eye. In general, the range of imagery that I found scary was wide as hell and little me wouldn't be able to even glance at most things that interest me now.

So no surprise, that cinema posters of "The Orphanage" scared almost-8-years-old me as nothing before.

Horizontal version of this particular one was posted literally everywhere around the city.

For years I have been sure I would never be able to watch this film. However, some time ago I decided I should finally confront my childhood traumas. And is there better opportunity to watch some movies than now, when I have to stay at home because of the coronavirus? I don't think so.

Anyway, last weekend I braced myself and, with a glass of godless drink (I mean, cola) in one hand and Grell plushie in the other, finally watched the movie, which sole promotional material had been giving me nightmares for years.

And I loved it.

The premise of "The Orphanage" doesn't seem very original at first. A married couple, Laura (Belén Rueda) and Carlos (Fernando Cayo), move in with their adopted son, Simón (Roger Príncep), to a new house. Or, rather, an old house, and I don't only mean building's age – there used to be an orphanage, where Laura lived before she was adopted. Now she and Carlos want to make here a foster house for sick children. However, from the beginning something seems off. First Simón starts "playing" with new (and creepy) imaginary friends, then they are visited by a strange lady, Benigna (Montserrat Carulla). Shit hits the fan when Simón disappears during a party held in the house. And then things happen. Many things.

"The Orphanage" is an excellent work when it comes to pacing. The build-up is slow, but constant and, before the plot starts properly (I mean, Simón goes missing), much has already happened. And then the movie gets even more intense, especially second half of it. My favourite part is the scene with medium's visit. The atmosphere of dread and uncertainty is perfectly done.

Despite being a grim psychological horror, "The Orphanage" is very pleasurable to watch. The audiovisual side is awesomely done: faded colours, well-thought camera work and sparing, well placed soundtrack create unforgettable climate, which you just want to experience. This film is great when it comes to keeping the viewer in front of the screen... And making them unsettled, because said climate is also main scare factor. "The Orphanage" isn't this type of horror, which attacks with jumpscares (there are several, but rather minor ones) and gruesomeness (there is one, maybe two bloody scenes). Scares there are primarily psychological ones, mostly the "show much, explain nothing" type. The best example of it is the moment, when Laura meets Tomás (Óscar Casas) for the first time. Chilling soundtrack, boy's weird behaviour (that breathing...) and little explanation of what's going on make it one of the most disturbing scenes in the movie.

By the way, Tomás looks much less scary without the mask on his head. Given then fact he wears this shit to hide his disfigured face, something went horribly wrong.

To be honest, the movie wouldn't be half that good if not the actors, especially the main one. Belén Rueda does brilliantly as Laura. Her portrayal of a woman totally lost in her desperation is really convincing, especially in the ending. Special mentions should also go to all children. Their characters do most work when it comes to scaring viewer. Damn, I had no idea "one, two, three, knocking on the wall", a game I used to play with other children in primary school, could be so creepy!

Of course, there are some things about this movie that bother me a little. They are connected with one of major plot points, so

SPOILER ALERT!!!

While Benigna's arc is very relevant to the story, it's also a source of a big plot hole. Or maybe two, one big and one little. Let's start with the little one: how did Benigna get Simón's adoption papers? She introduced herself as a social worker, but then it came out she wasn't one. So she shouldn't be able to get these documents in the first place. Did she steal them or what? Have I missed something?

However, the above is just a minor nuisance when compared to the biggest problem: how the hell did Benigna managed to kill all children in the orphanage and somehow get away with it?! Okay, the victims were orphans. They had no family. But Benigna wasn't the only person working in the institution and, judging by the first scene and the old films, orphanage staff was very fond of the children. It should be impossible for Benigna to poison all kids (not one, not two, all five!) and cremate their bodies without anyone noticing. Because yes, nobody noticed – earlier in the movie there was no information about the case and, judging by police's reaction, it's easy to assume really no one knew about it. So, what happened to the orphanage staff? Did Benigna kill them too? Or maybe she evaporated them with magic? Or erased their memories?

Were Men in Black and their neuralyzers somehow involved?

Except for the problems with Benigna, "The Orphanage" has great plot with some clever twists. Especially the last one. I have to admit, I started crying at the end of the movie. The finale was so emotional...

End of spoilers.

Actually, I'm pretty contented I watched this movie. "The Orphanage" is a solid psychological horror capable of keeping viewer at the edge of their seat for whole runtime. And even if it isn't that scary I used to think, it still managed to make me unsettled. And not only because I don't like children at all...

Or "Children Are Scary: The Movie"

Image sources:
All movie stills were screenshot by me from official trailer and belong to Warner Bros. Pictures de España.
Trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UkuKtS-N1rM

Polish poster: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0464141/mediaviewer/rm439167488
Poster: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0464141/mediaviewer/rm2294782721