Today is our birthday. A very important birthday: you've already lived one decade, I – two. I know you are longing for my age. You think you will finally be important, independent, that people will finally take you seriously. Unfortunately, it doesn't work that way. Hitting magical barrier of adulthood (not even coming of age, being 18 doesn't really matter) doesn't change anything. There is no change in your mind that suddenly makes you more reliable, mature etc. It doesn't change the way people think about you, either. Actually, for most of them (especially your family) you are still a child. But does that mean I want to be 10 again? Hell, no. I've learnt too many things during last 10 years and I want to share them with you.
Before I proceed: I know, you hate being given advice. Damn, I hate it too. Problem with giving someone advice is you never know full context. What works for one person, doesn't have to work the same way for other and vice versa. Actually, universal piece if advice doesn't even exist. That's why I never take others' advice blindly. I always analyse it and then, eventually, do as I was told. Do I make mistakes? Of course, everyone makes them. But sometimes it's much better to do as you please and make a mistake than to follow someone's advice and then be dissatisfied with an effect.
Actually, rules work similar way. Of course, there are situations, where you must follow rules and doesn't matter how absurd they are. But sometimes you can rebel. How can you tell apart these situations? Again, there are no general rules about it. You just have to think. And this is the only rule I want you to follow: never stop thinking. Analyse. Give anything you encounter a careful consideration. You are still not sure, what to do? Think, if anyone gets hurt. Because everything is okay as long as no one gets hurt.
Always.
To be honest, there is one, peculiar situation in which I would like to encourage you to rebel against rules. This situation is art. For me, art is free. It should never be bound by any rules. Damn, the best artists always rebel against common rules. I know, people may laugh at you. They will say that your art is horrible. Some of them may try giving you advice. Actually, I often have heated discussions with others regarding art. I usually am given advice. Do I obey? Mostly, no. I don't doubt others' talents and competence, but you know... Art is very personal thing and even the best piece of advice has no sense when person getting it doesn't like it. When you create something, you must like it first. You and no one else.
Oh, and fuck all people, who constantly babble about improving your technique. If you like it, there is no reason to improve it. Of course, I don't discourage you from experimenting, experiment as much as you like. But don't surrender to pressure of constantly improving, especially, when nothing's wrong. You are the only person that knows what your art needs and aiming for impossibly ambitious goal will only make you hate what you do. You don't have to be the best, being good is enough... But, of course, if you want to be the best, it's okay. Your life, your art, your choice.
As I mentioned, many people won't like what you do. This always happens, pleasing everyone at the same time is impossible. It applies also to other things: school, private life, relationships... There will be people, who like you, people, who hate you and people, who "generally like you, but...". The last category is the worst. In general, people who want others to change are horrible. I don't get why they can't accept others the way they are. How to deal with them? Just ignore them. As long as nobody gets hurt no one has the right to tell you who you should be. You can be sweet, dark, creepy, vulgar, deadpan, everything at the same time and it will be all right (of course, swearing in front of your teacher, boss or someone like that is a bad idea, but, you know, that's the context I was talking about). You will still be the same decent goth lady you are and if people don't accept it, then they aren't worth your attention. Egoistic? Maybe. But goddammit, everyone should be a little egoistic to maintain good mental health.
I know, you are thinking now that you want me to shut up and stop telling you what to do. Well, you don't have to do everything I said (actually, wanting you to follow it all after my earlier rant about taking advice would mean I'm a hypocrite, wouldn't it?). You are the queen of your life and you choose, what to do. Everything I said is based on various experiences I had in my life, but yours can be completely different. Just go on. Live. Analyse. Try new things. Or stick to the ones you know. Because no matter who you are and what you do, as long as no one gets hurt, it's okay. I know I'm repeating myself. But this is important: you are okay. Always.
And I love you.
Happy birthday, darling.
PS There is one thing I want to ask you to do: take better care of your health, okay? I've just hit 20 and I can't function without pills. I've been damaging my health for years just because I tried to be the best at school and, in the end, it wasn't even worth it. No one gives a fuck about your grades when you are an adult...
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