In hindsight, it's incredibly funny how my mood changes during the contest. I'm always really excited before the show, have a lot of fun during the semis... And then get mad at the results the next day.
Or at least this is how it looked like this year.
While I still enjoyed the final, I couldn't help but be a bit bitter that most of my favourites didn't qualify. And that the songs I liked the least took their place.
Which songs am I talking about? Well, let's recount what happened in the final of Eurovision 2022 and see!
25. Germany: "Rockstars" by Malik Harris
To say this song is giving me a massive déjà vu is to say nothing. I'm sure I've already heard something with similar melody, especially the vocal part. Which... Kinda sums up this entry pretty well.
We've already heard that. Many times. Nothing new.
Okay, maybe except for this talked part. Which, to be honest, sounds like someone cut it from completely different track and pasted in the middle of this one.
On a more positive note – I like the idea with instruments arranged in circle, with them getting added to the music when Malik uses each. That was nice.
However, I still think Germany should have sent Electric Callboy. With how energetic these guys are, I'm sure they'd rock the scene!
24. France: "Fulenn" by Alvan & Ahez
You know, usually I abstain from saying that a country was robbed... But sweet Arceus, France was fucking robbed this year!
"Fulenn" is one of the highlights of Eurovision 2022 and it pisses me off so much it ended so low. It's unique. Atmospheric. Sensual. And incredibly beautiful. It's a song about dancing in the forest that actually makes you want to dance in the forest! And it's in Breton, language we usually don't get music in! And it sounds awesome!
Also, let's show some appreciation for the dancer. She was wonderful.
(By the way, fun fact: there wasn't a single song in French this year. Actually, there wasn't a single line in French, first time in general. Interesting, isn't it?)
23. Iceland: "Með Hækkandi Sól" by Systur
A very soft tune with some western vibes. Not something I usually listen to... But I have to admit, I kinda like it. Especially the vocals, they're very pleasant.
Also, Icelandic is such a pretty language, isn't it?
22. Czech Republic: "Lights Off" by We Are Domi
There's never enough electronic music during Eurovision, especially such danceable one. This song is so catchy, it's hard not to bounce while listening to it! We Are Domi did amazing job during the performance, they had so much energy on stage!
Another great thing about "Lights Off" is vocal. Dominika Hašková nailed it!
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| Also, purple. Purple, purple, purple. |
21. Finland: "Jezebel" by The Rasmus
To be honest, despite its cult status, I've never heard about this band until this year. And while "Jezebel" isn't their top, this entry is actually pretty nice. The Rasmus are really energetic and infect the audience with said energy. You can also see how much they are into performing – their smiles are so genuine! This all compensates the fact the song isn't very special on its own.
I also have to admit, I like the reference to "It". I have no idea how it relates to the song... But it was cool. However, one question: did anyone later removed the balloons (one during the semi and one during the final) from under the ceiling? Or are they still there?
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| After his death, Georgie reincarnated into a Finnish rockstar. |
20. Armenia: "Snap" by Rosa Linn
This is exactly how my room looks like when the spring allergy hits – tissues, tissues everywhere.
Objectively speaking, this entry is not bad. The stage setting is interesting, the vocals good... However, there is something in the instrumental I just can't stand. There is no reason for the song to piss me off so much and yet, I can't listen to it. Why? We'll never know...
19. Belgium: "Miss You" by Jérémie Makiese
I like the choreography in this one... And to be honest, that's all.
Unfortunately, this entry is one of the most boring ones. Apart from the dancers, nothing happens here. The song isn't captivating either – it sounds like soundtrack of a romantic movie, playing in a scene where the protagonist walks through the busy American city, sulking. And this is definitely not a compliment. Quite a pity...
18. Romania: "Llámame" by WRS
It's official: Romania out-Spained Spain this year.
And it's awesome.
I love everything about this entry. The song is catchy, the dancing energetic, the costumes daring, it's just perfect! It also has some string queer vibes, which make it even better. It's also very, very hot, with all the sensual dance moves and singer's charisma. I'm legit surprised it didn't end in top 10. Romania definitely deserved it. So sexy!
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| I'm not immune to pretty people in body glitter, okay? |
17. Switzerland: "Boys Do Cry" by Marius Bear
"Snap" might be pissing me off by no reason, but this is the entry that I loathe the most. One that makes me question what the fuck it was doing there, especially in the final. If in "Miss You" nothing happens, here nothing happens even MORE. This is the ultimate boredom, it should be listed under its definition in dictionary. Like. What the fuck, Switzerland?!
I miss Gjon...
16. Azerbaijan: "Fade to Black" by Nadir Rustamli
I have to admit, I kinda like the chorus. Unfortunately, the chorus doesn't make the whole song, so... Yeah. I'm not fond of this entry either.
Also, seeing the dancer do all these wild swings while standing on these stairs gave me anxiety. Like. How the hell didn't he fall?!
15. Australia: "Not the Same" by Sheldon Riley
The vocals are great here, Sheldon Riley really has the power. However, this can't be said about rest of the song. Another boring ballad...
From the whole entry, I think I liked the costume the most. It's extravagant and looks great, especially the headwear. Shine, shiny~
14. Lithuania: "Sentimentai" by Monika Liu
I totally can't see the appeal off this song... Like, don't get me wrong, it's very well performed and stuff. It's just not my type of music.
I love how Monika Liu is enjoying singing, though. She's so expressive and just vibes, it's a pleasure to see.
Also, I want this dress. Shiny!
13. Estonia: "Hope" by Stefan
Okay, what the hell is with ESC2022 and all these western themed entries?! This one is third. THIRD. Is 2022 a year of a cowboy or what?!
However, I can't deny "Hope" has some kind of charm. I don't know if it's the vibes, Stefan's performance or what... It's nice.
There is only one thing that's bothering me: how many times did Stefan have to practice this jump over the fountain? And did he land in the water at least once? The gap looks huge...
12. Poland: "River" by Ochman
Alright, sweethearts, it's official: the world is fucking ending. Or in other words: Poland had a decent Eurovision entry.
Of course, it's still another goddamn ballad. However, it's objectively good. It's atmospheric and, most importantly, the live performance didn't make me want to claw my ears and eyes out and die from cringe (yeah, I'm still not over the disaster from last year...). Mad kudos to Krystian Ochman, he did the impossible. I'm really impressed.
11. Netherlands: "De Diepte" by S10
Yes, S10 had really beautiful voice. Yes, Dutch is a pretty language. But none of this changes the fact "De Diepte" is just another boring ballad entry. And maybe I'll leave it like that...
10. Norway: "Give That Wolf a Banana" by Subwoolfer
FINALLY NOT A BALLAD!!!
But really, THIS is what Eurovision is about: catchy music, crazy costumes, silly choreographies... Just fun. And space furries singing about eating bananas are fun incarnated.
Really, saying that Norway was my personal favourite from this year's final would be an understatement. "Give That Wolf a Banana" is perfect. Just perfect. And Keith and Jim are such adorable dorks (who never went out of character through whole contest!), it was hard not to root for them.
Remember how they gave Mika a hug?
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| Ultimate "awwwwwwwwww" moment! |
(By the way, the song they released in July slaps. Hard).
9. Portugal: "Saudade, saudade" by MARO
I have a problem with this entry.
On one hand, it's another ballad. But on the other... There is something mesmerising about its moody atmosphere, minimalist staging and the feeling of intimacy created by positioning all singers in a circle, facing each other. Also, I can't deny, MARO has really beautiful voice. And hair.
I wish I could do braids on myself...
8. Greece: "Die Together" by Amanda Georgiadi Tenfjord
I really like the singing here, especially the powerful note at the end. Also, the synth effects on backing vocals sound good, like something out of an Imogen Heap song. But the rest... I know I'm saying it a lot, but I'll do it again: I've already heard this song. And it's a bit boring.
Also, what the fuck is her dress made of?!
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| Not gonna lie, these chairs are giving me strong "we have Salvador Dalí at home" vibe... |
7. Moldova: "Trenulețul" by Zdob şi Zdub & Advahov Brothers
Moldova is one of the very few countries this year, who understood the Eurovisional assignment. "Trenulețul" is not only a great song with nice folk elements and very catchy melody. Zdob şi Zdub & Advahov Brothers brought a lot of positive energy on stage, so much needed in the year drowning in ballads. Their enthusiasm is contagious, it's hard not to smile while watching this entry.
Also, can we focus for a moment on how well choreographed this performance is? Every move is planned and just fits into the show. At the same time, it all looks very natural. Really, it's incredible.
And I absolutely love the guitar solo – undeniably best part of the song.
6. Italy: "Brividi" by Mahmood & Blanco
Last year, Italy slayed. This year... Well. You see.
To be honest, the only thing I like about this entry is Mahmood's piercings. These crystals look quite good, especially with the suit... Blanco's costume is one big wtf though. I'm starting to suspect they were dressed by two completely different costuming departments, who didn't contact each other...
Also, one more thing.
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| Blanco, would you kindly GET THE FUCK OFF THE PIANO?! Thank you. |
5. Serbia: "In Corpore Sano" by Konstrakta
There she is – our Serbian queen of hygiene.
It's hard to express in words how much I love this entry. The mesmerising rhythm, accentuated by clapping, and slightly cultish vibes of the performance makes it hard not to lose oneself in it. At the same time, the lyrics are more than just about hydration and health – "In Corpore Sano" is focused on pretty fucked up situation of artists in Serbia. As Konstrakta notices, you don't have health insurance as an artist, which leaves you on your own in the case of illness. So, only thing you can do is hope you'll biti zdrava.
Also, while Serbian is a really beautiful language, I love the Latin part. I wish there was more (non-church) music in this language...
4. Sweden: "Hold Me Closer" by Cornelia Jakobs
The number of entries this year that can be the best described as "generic" is truly scary... Like, again: this song is not bad. Except for quite interesting vocals, it's just nothing special. And can someone explain me what the hell this giant spinning plate is?!
I kinda like the attire, though. The long sparkly strings really do look nice.
3. Spain: "SloMo" by Chanel
Spain might have gotten more points, but I still think that Romania spained better.
Jokes aside, this entry is actually really good. While the song is only okay, the staging and choreography are outstanding. The dancing is so wild and sexy, it's impossible to take one's eyes away. I especially like the part after Chanel takes off the jacket. She slays.
Damn, this entry is whole three minutes of Chanel slaying. And it's awesome.
2. United Kingdom: "Space Man" by Sam Ryder
My boyfriend is American. At the beginning of May, he asked me to explain Eurovision to him. Among other crucial information, I told him about UK's many fails and jokingly added that "no one likes UK".
I think you can guess how dumb I felt when I saw that this year, UK was fucking second.
To be honest, I totally don't get what's the difference between this entry and the ones from previous years. It's similar forgettable stuff we get almost every year and yet 2022 got treated differently. Is it because of the high notes? Of the (quite cool, I have to admit) guitar solo? We'll never know...
1. Ukraine: "Stefania" by Kalush Orchestra
Many people said that Ukraine has won because of political reasons. That they got votes because others were sorry for them. Guess what?
I don't give a flying fuck about it.
The victory of Ukraine is well-deserved. "Stefania" is an incredible entry. It's a perfect mix of folklore and modern elements: traditional singing blends with rapping, folk instruments with hip-hop beat, breakdance choreography is performed by a dancer dressed as a character from Ukrainian legends. And the song itself is so amazingly catchy, I couldn't get it out of my head for months after the contest.
Also, can we appreciate the return of the Cute Sopilka Guy, Ihor Didenchuk?
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| You go, Ihor! You're the best! |
Seriously, I couldn't be happier with the winner of Eurovision 2022. Well done, Ukraine. Well done!
***
Because of the ongoing war, Eurovision 2023 will be hosted in UK. At the moment of writing, the city has already been announced: Liverpool. To be honest, I'm not sure if this is a good idea. I mean, okay, UK came second. However, given the recent events – death of the queen and coronation of the new monarch – I don't think UK should host the contest either. Not only is it battling a lot of economic issues right now, I'm afraid the ruler situation will push the winner aside. And Ukraine deserves to be celebrated properly.
However, despite the fact Eurovision 2023 is closer than further (once again, I'm sorry for the delay...), there is still a lot of stuff that hasn't been settled yet. Who knows what might change until May... For now, let's all be happy because of Ukraine's win.
And let's hope there won't be as many ballads next year, I really can't take it any more...
All images (except for the hug one) were screenshot from the videos embedded in this post.
The hug was screenshot from https://youtu.be/JMVoEdJYW6Y